Sunday, July 31, 2011


Murphy's Law ~ a universal rule, standard or regulation that dictates a customary course of conduct for forces which conspire against you in a manner that contradicts all expectations: i.e. what you don't want to happen will and, conversely, what you'd like to happen won't.


Articles of Annoyance


i.                     Business and Commerce

a.       Cram to complete a project on time and the minute it's finished the deadline is postponed.  Murphy!

b.      Wait months for responses to work inquiries and they all come in the day before you leave on vacation.  Murphy!

c.       If you stand and watch a multiple page fax get pulled through the machine every page will go, but look away for a minute and pages get pulled through together – and the recipient never tells you, "I see you were trying to send seven pages, but I only got six."  Double Murphy!

d.      Throw away some old files and you will need one of them the very next week.  Murphy!

e.       You finally make a purchase after much deliberating and it goes on sale the next day.  Murphy!

f.        You book a non-refundable airline ticket and the following day you're notified of an on-line super-saver special.  Murphy!

g.       Discard a coupon declaring that you'll never use it only to find yourself in the issuing store shortly thereafter.  Murphy!

h.       Unable to locate an item in a store you finally ask for help only to have said item pointed out right in front of you.  Murphy!


ii.                   Automotive and Technology

a.       When you're already late, you get every light red.  Murphy!

b.      When you're in no rush at all, you sail through every light green.  Murphy!

c.       Your car makes a funny noise so you bring it in for service; of course, now it purrs like a kitten.  Murphy!

d.      You finally get around that jerk on the road only to have him sit right behind you at the next red light.  Murphy!

e.       You're running late to the airport so, of course, your flight is on time; but arrive a little extra early and your flight is delayed giving you even more time to hang out at the gate.  Murphy!

f.        You're waiting for an important phone call, but you have to go to the bathroom.  The minute you sit down the phone rings.  Murphy!

g.       Just as you're making a phone call, Call Waiting beeps in.  Murphy!

h.       Bring your phone to the couch while watching TV and it will not ring, but leave it in the kitchen and it rings every time.  Murphy!

i.         Lie down to take a nap and the phone will ring.  Murphy!


iii.                  Leisure and Entertainment

a.       You play Solitaire to kill time and win the first hand.  Murphy!

b.      You get up early every day – whether you have to or not – but on the day you must be up early, you oversleep.  Murphy! 

c.       You struggle to get your kids up for school, but on a Saturday, they're up at 6:00 am raring to go.  Murphy!

d.      You almost always have an umbrella with you, but the one day you don't, naturally, it rains.  Murphy!

e.       Routine weekends come and go but then you get invited to two events on the same day.  Murphy!

f.        Dinner's on time and your guests are late; guests are on time, dinner isn't ready.  Murphy!

g.       You'd like the refrigerator door to stay open while putting groceries away but it closes constantly; yet, reach in for one thing, expecting it to close behind you and it stays wide open.  Murphy!

h.       When doing a Word Search, if you start at the top, the word you're looking for will be at the bottom and vice versa – start at the bottom and that word is hiding at the top.  Murphy!

i.         Ideas come to you when you're without any means to record them and when you do get the opportunity to write them down you can't remember a single thing.  Murphy!

j.        Tell someone repeatedly about a funny show they just have to watch and when they finally do the episode they see is a clunker.  Murphy!


ODE TO MURPHY – that cosmic mo-fo


What would we do without you?

You're reliable, dependable, steadfast and true


We count on you, time after time

To annoy us as you mess with our minds


We expect one thing and another will happen

That's just how it is and always has been


I don't like to grumble, I don't want to complain

But it gets on my nerves and drives me insane


I'd like to turn the tide, if only I could

If it were possible, believe me, I would


I'd like to get you – just once – for a change

I know this vendetta may sound kind of strange


And, of course, I'm aware that it simply can't be

So I'll just grit my teeth and blurt out "Murphy!"


Constantly vexed…

 ~ M.