Take the OTGA Quiz and find out…
- You have a crush on a boy from school. He unexpectedly calls you looking for a French homework assignment. Do you:
a.) Babble like an idiot with gleeful excitement
b.) Give him the homework and get off the phone
c.) Regale him with fun facts about
d.) Grill him like Perry Mason about how he got your number
- In high school you secretly pine for:
a.) The quarterback with broad shoulders
b.) The rebel bad-boy with a heart of gold
c.) The Class President with a Poindexter personality
d.) The Art major who, later in life, will be arrested for homosexual pedophilia
- It's time to loose your virginity. You do that:
a.) At a luxury seaside resort on your wedding night
b.) In the backseat of a car while the radio plays "
c.) In some dingy stockroom because you lost a bet
d.) At a dude ranch in upstate
- You go on a blind date only to find you've already been on a blind date, once before, with the same guy. Do you:
a.) Call it destiny and run off together
b.) Figure, what the heck, and make the most of the evening
c.) Grin and bear it
d.) Take off leaving skid marks
- You've just been with a well-endowed man. Do you:
a.) Compare him to a horse and say, "Whoa, Nellie…"
b.) Walk funny for a day or two afterward
c.) Tell all your friends and crack inappropriate penis jokes
d.) All of the above
- You post-pone ending a relationship because:
a.) You don't want to lose your date for an upcoming wedding
b.) Your guy gets called out of town unexpectedly
c.) He spills the beans on a lavish upcoming birthday surprise
d.) His house burns to the ground – on Thanksgiving
- You're on date #3 with a Midwestern Adonis. Do you:
a.) Suggest an all-you-can-eat BBQ rib buffet
b.) Quiz him on
c.) Not shave your legs to ensure the night won't get out of hand
d.) Get drunk on Tequila and ride him like a mechanical bull
- You know your boyfriend is a wack-job if he:
a.) Is jealous of your cats
b.) Gives you the silent treatment when he's mad
c.) Gets cheap thrills out of frightening you
d.) Tries to make you think you're developing a disability
- You know it's time to stop having your friends set you up on dates if they set you up with:
a.) A retail worker who lives with his mother who cancels on you for a Donna Summer concert
b.) An AARP card-carrying, insecure gasbag who loves the sound of his own voice
c.) A lactose-intolerant man-child who can't take the time to iron his shirt
d.) A twice-divorced guy with an open restraining order and a weeping sore on his face
- After a night of drinking, your date insists on one final nightcap. Is he:
a.) Simply stalling, trying to prolong the date
b.) Trying to get in the Guinness Book of World Records
c.) An alcoholic
d.) Working up the nerve to give you a High-Five
- It's time to opt out of Internet dating when your would-be date:
a.) Has issues with how you speak
b.) Asks for your exact physical measurements
c.) Picks heated political fights with you
d.) Is a contact cage fighter
- Things you do not want to hear on a date:
a.) Every blessed detail regarding broccoli rabe – or any vegetable
b.) All the reasons why anal sex is the way to go
c.) Anything at all about an 'ex'
d.) That the guy has Restless Leg Syndrome and a small winky-dink
1. a-2,b-3,c-4,d-1; 2. a-3,b-4,c-2,d-1; 3. a-4,b-2,c-1,d-3; 4. a-1,b-4,c-3,d-2;
5. a-3,b-1,c-2,d-4; 6. a-3,b-1,c-2,d-4; 7. a-1,b-2,c-3,d-4; 8. a-2,b-1,c-4,d-3;
9. a-1,b-3,c-2,d-4; 10. a-4,b-3,c-2,d-1; 11. a-1,b-3,c-4,d-2; 12. a-1,b-4,c-2,d-3.
Well, let's see how you did…
37-48 points: You've got a pretty good head on your shoulders – Go out and have a good time!
25-36 points: You make good choices; you make bad choices – Hey, who hasn't been there?
12-24 points: You may not be the best judge of character – Be careful out there.
Quiz questions were culled from The Ones That Got Away – A Dating Memoir. My modern day story hysterically answers the question, "Why are you still single?" with such open and honest candor that one reviewer wrote, "It's like delighting in your best friend's dirty details without having to divulge your own."
The Ones That Got Away – A Dating Memoir by M. Hill is available at Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com. For more information visit www.honeybeepublishing.com.